To become who we are we have to un-become everything that we were
As I looked at my knotted, once beautiful necklace, I made a choice that today was the day to untangle. As I observed myself untangling my necklace, I found my mind wandering; bringing me an a image here and there. With the image came one or two realisations, interpretations or summaries in the scenarios of what I saw.
It was a person usually that popped into my mind, from now or from the past, which seemed to still hold an unresolved feeling in my mind; an interpretation of a stranger, a conclusion of conversation I had had (and how I had felt as a result), or an emotion about a person’s character. A final opinion was formed while untangling the knots; generally it seemed it was a decision on an action that needed to be done, inwardly or outwardly.
It wasn’t an emotional struggle, but more of was a conscious choice of letting go and surrendering to the outcome of what I had no control over, or actioning what I could control. Thereby this task of untangling my necklace seemed like an opportunity to relax, focus and allow natural resolutions to flow, encouraging me to move on from confusing scenarios that did not involve anyone but me and my own inner monologue.
Sometimes meditation can bring solutions, an understanding, or simply create a space of stillness and silence to clear the mind, bringing peace. Not always is it guided, and not always is it silent. Meditation holds many different methods for different objectives; it can even be through hours of fun and laughter, or sport, walking, or watching a funny film, being with nature. So long as it brings you what you need by focusing the mind in the present, while holding a positive intention in your objective, rather than going round and round on the same issue, causing more pain and multiplying the negativity.
I don’t tend to believe in many rules with meditation, self-discovery and healing. When we share our own stories and journeys, it is great gift of experience coming from another’s reality, without a right or a wrong. This is extremely valuable and important as it can be a comfort, inspiration and a guidance on where to heal and how, and at the same time we are each our own person, with our own complicated mind and rich experiences, as well as senses and self-healing capabilities coming from our own intuition. There is no definitive book, video or guru that can support your individual journey, for the one and all who can help you, is actually you. This is why there are so many options available to us in books, in healers, in more and more from traditions across the world, for you to choose. Not to mention the experiences along our own path that offers lessons and development along the way, if we choose.
I believe everything comes from the energy in the form of intention, and with the right focus and intention, accompanied by love and positive affirmation. From this comes the result you are looking for, whether that result is clear, or still lying within and yet to be discovered. Either way, your subconscious knows your path and will guide you there with its 7000 times stronger drive than your conscious. When you are not following that you are bound to feel predicaments and conflicts, mainly with yourself. Try not to let these times burden you, let it come and pause; it is a message – any discomfort is a message for you, listen to it, for it will not cease until you listen. It will simply start to knock louder and louder.
This is when the psychological conflicts manifest into the physical. Healing is about the mind, body and spirit. It cannot be a part by part process as it is all connected. It’s not necessarily easy or fast but often it is our beliefs that hold this very notion of perception of difficulty and speed. If it is us we are healing, is it not us who are holding us back?
It was these thoughts about meditation that came into my mind while I embraced the challenge of untangling my necklace. I prepared my environment to support the outcome of success; I began with a peaceful mind, music softly playing in the background. I had no agenda for the day and so no pressures externally placed upon me, there could only be those of which I placed upon myself, internally. I took upon the opportunity to observe the mind and the process of the internal and external interruptions on the task and consequently, the result of the task.
As I observed my emotions and feelings and how they impacted the progress of the task, I noticed that the ease or difficulty in which I untangled the necklace was effected by the status of my mind at that particular moment. It reminded me of a quote I once heard; this person had explained that they felt they could understand the character of a person by how they dealt with tangled Christmas tree lights. Sometimes I remember who quoted what, and more often than not, I forget and I let it submerge into my subconscious. So many times in academia and business especially, we are trained to remember specific qualities by specific accredited people and we feel embarrassed if we forget who said what, and we feel we sound intelligent or add credibility when we remember.
During my Masters qualification I felt I had many perspectives and suggestions but we were advised to look and research who said that before us. We were not encouraged to explore more with our own perspective, creativity and so on. I can understand that this is to ensure we are not taking credit for someone else’s’ work and thoughts but I felt some frustration because I felt compelled to remember the theorists who first stated this or that, rather than my own collective knowledge I had gained through experience, observations and teachers. Therefore, while there is value, credibility and importance placed on these great thinker and leaders of their time, for me it’s about who put the quotes into practice that is most admirable; living and leading by example.
I choose now to not concern myself over remembering who said what and why, accepting this is a quirk of my character and one I am happy to embrace. It applies to remembering names and places too! I’m useless at that and not going to exhaust myself perfecting these elements. Instead I will work on areas that either I want to develop even more, or areas that might be causing me pain and suffering. Everyone has different strengths, it’s meant to be this way. I place my energy into embodying what I hear, learn or observe and truly put them into practice. Surely this is what those visionaries would like us to do with their insights? This again is how I feel about healing modalities, spiritual teachers, therapists and so on; take it all in, soak up as much as possible, and leave out what doesn’t resonate with you. Blend it all together as a random and unique recipe that you are, and deliver up the wonderful homemade dinner that you made.
And so as I began tackling the task at hand – the necklace, it was interesting that despite the calm mind and music, there was certainly some stronger intensity of feelings when thinking about certain people, than others. The emotion dissipated once a conclusion was seemingly made in my mind. It was only during this heightened sensitivity of the very calm place, physically and mentally, that I was able to sense this subtlety of shifting energy. Emotion means ‘to move out’, so finding our tools to do this can help us move forward.
Another interesting observation was how I noticed when a decision was made. If it wasn’t the right one (as perceived by my higher self) the knots got more tangled. I knew this meant I needed to make another choice, and when I made the other choice, the tangles were more easily unravelled.
I started to think about the necklace as a metaphor for life. The most obvious one being that a necklace is worn around the neck; with two outcomes 1. of beauty by glimmering against the skin, complementing the natural colours in a person’s skin tone, using colour in the necklace. Necklaces can also be used for a connection to a faith or loved ones with the pendants chosen. They can also be used as an expression of identity. 2. On the other hand it could be a source of frustration, tightness or heaviness, even discomfort or pain if it catches on tiny hairs or the hairline. Often certain types of material can cause discolouration and every allergic reactions.
As I worked through the untangling, I also realised that the one necklace could very easily become tangled either in itself or in other one or two chains, if not taken care of. I realised that to solve the knotted necklace we cannot not do it fast, it cannot be cut, for it will be broken. We cannot tug at it or else it might snap. During the process we might even drop the necklace, and depending on where we are working on the necklace, it can even drop on the floor in a heap, folding up so small into a messy ball. When it is free from knots it can be stretched out fully – it looks so long, elegant and is smooth to the touch; the flexibility allows the chain to be moved around like fluid on the table; there are so many shapes it can be moved into, gracefully like a piece of art; like drawing in the sand with your finger.
If we are prepared and cautious about where we approach the solution of untangling the necklace, we might sit at a table and it might just land gently in front of us. Depending on what happened, it might take time to pick up from where we left off, especially if it drops all the way to the floor and we have to pick it up again and seemingly start from the beginning. And so with all the potential inner and outer distractions, I realised that the way to successfully untangle the necklace was with dedicated time and focus, with love and positive energy on the outcome, with a clear vision and motivation for it; to wear the necklace.
Focusing on our outcomes visually and with positive emotionally can support a process, even if it seems a world away. We can also draw upon our previous positive experiences where we remember something seemingly taking forever but looking back each problem was always resolved. Sometimes we have to wait for the storm to pass but sometimes we need to learn how to dance in the rain (quote by someone). We cannot change what we cannot control (quote by someone else… but also by me ). So we may as well learn to manage our inner if we cannot our outer. It is a choice.
When we break the necklace down and get through one knot we might be surprised it was actually two separate knots. Sometimes there are knots on knots and it looks like there is no way in. We might get a needle and prod around; sometimes gently, sometimes firmly sometimes; one way works and sometimes the other. We feel our way through. It first seems impossible when the knots are so tight, but then we find a way in, sometimes after trying many ways and angles… but we get in, because there is always a way in. It depends only on the person and their intention and choice to do so.
On a very knotted necklace it can take time, and after completing the release of many knots, we may see there are still one or two tiny ones left. It’s very tempting to leave it, with the intention of coming back, after replenishing energy and intention. In some cases this is fine, it takes time to get to the root cause, as always, it’s a choice. And we might not be able to iron out those knots all in one session. Just remember one thing; it is the root cause that begins the multiplication of the knots in the first place; so we have to keep the awareness in our consciousness; the awareness and intention to return after a break with the same positive intention as at the start.
With an appropriate break, we try again but with a refreshed energy we see this time only to a tiny knot and this time the knot released with more ease, more than anticipated. And so imagine an environment where there is no peaceful music, there is drilling going on outside, you slept badly the night before, there’s a work deadline, your back is giving you grief, your relationships are not running smooth…. You attempt to tackle the necklace, how does it start?
What happens when despite this, you still take a deep breath and with positive intention attempt the untangling, and then the phone rings and you get more distractions? Does it even get started? Or does it get put back on the shelf gathering dust and tangling more and more with other chains as a result of you ruffling around in your jewellery box, looking for an alternative, a distraction? It’s always a choice, led by your subconscious; make that choice at the deepest level and your subconscious and conscious will lead your there hand in hand.
Begin with the self-awareness to get the necklace off the shelf and to look at it and recognise it needs to be brought back to beauty, to live its purpose and life it was intended for, which was not on the shelf. This awareness and peace at this awareness is healing in itself. It can move out some suppressed feelings from simply acknowledging it and making a decision to begin. From here, you will find some knots easy and some hard, but the right tools, environment, mindfulness and positive intention will achieve the results. It’s about the choices you make surrounding this. There are a million ways to approach the task, externally and internally; it is your choice. Everything is choice, yours.
And so when we are along our path and we are moving forward one by one…..imagine this….all the knots will be out… You will wear your chain beautifully. Little knots might come along, but with our new awareness and learning, they have a whole other energy. It’s easier this time because mindfulness is present.
And so becomes the habit of looking after ourselves, to try preventing any knot coming in the first place but gently untangling if it does. These are the choices we make; it’s all up to you.