As I drove from one office to another I felt sudden realisation; we are the cars, the road is our life.
It was a normal scenario – dealing with the comparatively crazy driving in Dubai compared to UK. Albeit quite organised compared to many other middle eastern countries, or so I had been told by my friends from around the region… cont.
I drove realising how hard it was to concentrate with cars pulling in from the left and the right. I remember that in Dubai the rules don’t always apply and many have 4×4’s for this reason. You might need to ‘off-road’ your way out of a carpark due to the fact the organisations that build facilities are different from those that support carparks and so often there is a mis-match and lack of planning.
For example, it would not be unusual for a car to reverse on a major highway exit due to poor signage, or road planning. Half the time you can’t blame the illegal manoeuvre because you took that route before and you know that if you went that way it would take you about 10k in the wrong direction. Alternatively the driver thinks this is an acceptable act and normal procedure from their country.
You have to have eyes in the back of the head and eventually you get so used to the style of driving that you feel you have a sixth sense in predicting the action of other drivers, even adopting the same style, as creatures do in adapting to fit into their environment. It somewhat becomes annoying because you can sense when others are going to cut you up and you plan ahead to ensure you prevent the accident that they are about to cause, in advance. It feels as though you are responsible for other people’s’ actions.
This was always the case for the seven years I had been in the region but it started to make me think how this is mirrored in our daily lives and how we interact with others.
This can feel somewhat annoying in that why should we always have to dodge the potential mistakes of others for the ones whom are road aware from the ones who have simply no awareness of the danger they could be causing for others or themselves, and even awareness of how others try to manage their misjudgement.
Why was it like this? Had they never been provided a proper learning opportunity? Or was it years of a kind of lifestyle that has become a habit, or was it just plane ignorance? Was it from the collective nationalities merging into one, creating a certain Dubai style driving? Because it certainly didn’t fall onto one nationality. This driving was not specific to male, female, Eastern, Western or Middle Eastern; we were all guilty.
As I drove, I sensed cars creeping up here and there around me in their tenacious pursuit of destination, speeding off in aggression when they didn’t get their own way, or trying to intimidate others off the road, or the opposite of that – driving dangerously slow, face to the windscreen and wheel, face poised with fearful concentrations, unaware of the many cars having to-overtake left and right and potentially causing more danger.
So many times even I had learned patience from Dubai. I had regular daily face-offs with the road design where most intersections crossed over; where one stream of traffic was coming onto a busy highway and one was coming off… there was no space considered for the transition. At this very tight cross over we are forced to be fast, selfish and determined while the cautious ones try to carefully navigate through the stream as they made their way to their destination, being beeped at for their effort.
It made me wonder about humans and culture and the culture we have created that is Dubai. Were issue born from the system itself or the people in manifesting the system?
Interestingly, our system familiarity also changes, over time I noted as I took my rental car through the UK roads on my recent visit. Wasn’t the UK easier to drive in, with the respect and complete road signs with enough notice and clear direction? After 7 years in Dubai, it seemed I could not easily estimate the middle of the road, I found the narrow winding roads difficult to drive in auto-mode and needed full concentration, and yet still managed to knock three different wing mirrors. In addition, the signs were informative and appropriately placed but there were too many and too much to read when driving. I noticed this was especially due to being unfamiliar with the common signs as images at first glance. I had to actually read the sign and they changed rapidly, especially the speed which would go from 30 to 40 back to 30 to 50 in such a short distance and with the multitude of speed cameras, one was a little overwhelmed.
Which is right or wrong? Maybe there isn’t a right or wrong, just a different perspective and style, a pattern, a habit. Isn’t it the same with how we perceive life, our goals, our governments, our culture, our faith?
I came back to the idea about how I let the actions of others impact my journey so much; why should I be the one to prevent the mistakes of others? But if I go to the extreme of simply not caring at all, then I’m just as bad as those that are making these accidents, but maybe worse? Why worse? Because I understand something, and once you know, you can never go back to what you didn’t know. Everyone is doing the best they can with the awareness that they have at the time Louise Hays.
How do we make the balance?
One time I was in another typical construction stricken traffic jam on my way home. I was on the bridge of the marina. Water to my left and right, as you might imagine on a bridge. Cars in front and cars behind as we waited at a set of traffic lights, which I had come to ascertain would take about 3 sets to get through. Each set took about 5 minutes. So all in all I knew each day this particular stop point would always take me approx. 15-20 minutes. With this in mind, and trying to use my own tools to manage and calm my mind in these situations, I chose to bring a book, turn on my inner car light and move when the traffic moved – at those 3 points. Mostly my eyes were on the book but with peripheral vision I was able to move immediately when the lights changed. I was even able to move fast enough to prevent the instantaneous beep that Dubaians have come to love, from the driver behind that would be given should anyone miss a millisecond of the light changing. Actually it’s quite impressive at the speed at which these drivers manage to toot the horn as the light goes green.
As I sat waiting and enjoying my book, about 5 minutes into the wait, I was surprised to hear a concession of toots from the driver directly behind me. Luckily my own current state of mind was quite calm to start with. I looked up from my book and in my mirror as I saw the main making aggressive gestures at me. Hmm, I gently spoke out loud to myself. I checked again the situation, right – water, left- water, in front many many cars, stationary, behind the whaling angry man.
I double checked myself first, did I do something wrong? No. He continued to haul abuse either my way or at the situation as a whole. In any case it was inappropriate and the hoots were encouraging other hooters and the whole thing was beyond pointless.
But maybe he didn’t know what I knew. So suddenly I was compelled to speak to the man. I opened my car door and walked slowly and calmly with a gentle smile on my face (to ensure no hostility while approaching). I wasn’t looking for a conflict. The man voluntarily turned down his window before I arrived at this side. He looked sunken down, and timid compared to his initial impression and/or facade he held behind the confines of his vehicle. He smiled a little nervously at me and I tried to seem even more approachable as my intention was not to scare or intimidate, but simply stop him.
I explained, ‘hello, hi, I see you are beeping at me, and as you can see there’s nowhere to go. We are on a bridge and there is a queue of traffic ahead. I live in this area so I know it can be frustrating. What I have found is that the duration takes around 20 minutes. What i do is I bring a book and stick my light on and chill out for a little while. Perhaps you could do something like this?’
The man apologised calmly with a little air of embarrassment and I said it was ok with a genuine smile so other drivers could also see there was no drama and hopefully would assume we were friends, and walked back to my car. I got back in my car; my heart was beating a little as it does when I feel compelled to share. Knowing the feeling of courage that this has to be said would always overwrite any nerves. My heart began to calm down and I checked again in the mirror. He seemed calm, reflective from my perspective.
It all seemed to have gone well. However, inside something didn’t feel too peaceful, why? Were my intentions with genuine care? i wanted to share and help, I didn’t want my inner peace violated. I want to be aware of people on the road and yet not be completely lead by others actions and reactions. So how does one try to keep the balance? How does one not feel pressure, but also not become stubborn for example, refusing to move when a crazy speeder comes up flashing his or her lights to move you out of the lane?
How about let’s be aware but not responsible for someone else’s actions, only our own? Let’s carry on our journey without intimidation and choose with awareness which battles need to be fought and in what manner, with positive intention and from an inner place of calm. To manage our inner feelings despite what occurs all around us in various situations and where we feel we need to we can predict, support and send love, with the right intention. To make our moves with caution, consideration, but confidence without blaming ourselves for any unplanned or negative outcome from the domino effect of others.
We should also be reminded about being compassionate about where we are on our journey in life’s ups and downs. Sometimes we are the one hooting and sometimes, we are the one reading with the light on. So we must stay humble when we are feeling happy; be realistic and genuine, and not patronising when we are feeling positive and calm place. If I were to do the bridge scenario again, I would take a less egotistical approach and a more genuine reach for that man in that car, or even sometimes not even interfere at all in his journey and simply manage my own internal space at this situation. Again, we have choices.
As time moves on we perceive things in a different ways based on our experiences. When someone is not acting the way you expect them to, remember it’s not all about you. Roads are like strategy in life, predicting where to move, based on your own goal, deadline. If you are calm and aware, you can easily navigate the system. Your road will be different every day; sometimes busy and aggressive and sometimes smooth with music blaring. The goal is to listen and sing to that music, even in the traffic. Empathise with the man’s aggression, try not to internalise it or taking it personal because it’s not about you, and on another day it might be you feeling stressed or moody. Be happy when you are up and enjoy this moment, live in it and share it with those that need it. And acknowledge and be aware when you are down, but know that it too shall pass; do not be seduced into feeling even more down or beating yourself up when that happens..
A road is a road; the circumstances will be different minute by minute, and you cannot predict. So no matter how much your boat is rocked. You are firm and balanced always, and confident you are safe and will not fall out. Maintain your inner self, the same, regardless.